Confessions of a Doctor after a COVID Thanksgiving

“Thanks for a great day and all your work with preparing the meal. Mother really enjoyed herself. Happy Thanksgiving!”

“Just want to say thanks for coming to our house today.  Grammie and I really enjoy seeing you and look forward to the day when we can give you a big 🤗   All our love ❤️ to both of you!!”

These were the texts my wife and I and our 2 children received from my 82-year-old father-in-law after our small family of 4 spent 3 hours preparing and eating a Thanksgiving Day meal together. We followed all the guidelines laid out by the governor of our state to quarantine for 7 days and confirm negative COVID-19 tests within 48 hours of Thanksgiving. We all wore masks, kept the windows open as best we could, and stayed at least 10 feet away from members of different households while we prepared and ate our meal together. Yet, we were filled with guilt, judgement, and anxiety most of the time.

As a pediatrician, I read all the articles, announcements and commentaries from experts in the fields of public health, infectious disease and epidemiology. I have been critical of the inadequacies of our government officials to establish a uniform national public health policy. I have been vigilant with my college-age children insisting they only meet their friends under strict guidelines or quarantine before they return home. I have felt the pressure of setting an example as a physician. Yet, when it came down to sharing our Thanksgiving meal indoors with another household, we decided to do it.

What I am beginning to appreciate more and more as the pandemic lingers is that I need to look at all factors when making decisions about my actions. I believe that I must balance my infection control vigilance with my own mental health as well as the mental health of those I love. We have been extremely vigilant about only seeing my wife’s aging parents outdoors throughout the entire pandemic. But when her 82-year-old father, who cares for his 81-year-old wife with advancing vascular dementia and Parkinson’s Disease, requested that we share a Thanksgiving Day meal together, we did everything we could to make that happen in a safe and connecting way.

I’m not perfect. I’m not a “front-line healthcare hero”. I am a normal human who struggles with anxiety and feels increasingly isolated and disconnected from so many people I love. So, I confess that I was one of those who hesitantly and fearfully shared a Thanksgiving Day meal with another household. I went against my intellectual judgement to follow my heart. I don’t fault anyone who disagrees, is critical of this, or chose to do otherwise for very good reasons. I have very close friends who have contracted SARS-CoV-2 and one who has died. My heart goes out to everyone whose family members and friends have suffered as a result of this deadly virus.

These are unprecedented times which call on us to do the best we can with the resources we have every day. Emotions such as guilt, judgement, and anxiety will naturally arise as they have inside of me countless times. I fight hard not to let them take over and, instead, do the best I can to cultivate compassion, gratitude, and love. My in-laws have a limited time with us on this earth. This Thanksgiving, I feel like we made that time just a little bit happier and I’m glad we did.

Joe Sherman, MD is a pediatrician, professional development coach, and consultant to individuals and healthcare organizations in the areas of cross-cultural medicine, leadership, and provider well-being. His mission is to help health professionals rediscover the joy of practicing medicine. Reach him at joe@joeshermanmd.com